3 Mindset Shifts to Achieve Body Confidence
(without having to change your body)
by Janelle Lynnae for Claire Guentz
Have you ever been in a room full of beautiful women and felt like you were the ugly duckling in the room? Finding yourself thinking that your skin is bumpier, your arms are flabbier, your stomach is “bloattier” than everyone else’s? And feeling that feeling of defeat… wishing you could just look more like all of them.
Or the times you’re at the pool and feeling super uncomfortable in your body, trying to suck in your stomach and wear your cover up as much as possible because you don’t want your lumpy cellulite to be exposed next to these women’s bodies that seem to be so effortlessly perfect.
Or maybe it’s when you’re scrolling on Instagram, seeing all these influencers and even your friends posting pics in their summery little outfits, and then a few minutes later you’re getting in the shower and standing naked in front of the mirror thinking: “Ew. My body is so gross. I could never wear the stuff she wears.”
So many of the women I talk to and coach feel exhausted from the constant comparison game, but at the same time, she doesn’t know what to do because nothing seems to work for her…
If this sounds like you, then I’d like to unpack this first and foremost from a mindset perspective. I’m a Confidence Coach that helps women see themselves as the valuable asset she is to the world and I’ve gotten the honor of helping hundreds of women through 1:1 coaching and thousands of women through my speaking engagements.
These 3 mindset shifts are what I’ve found to be the most effective to stop the negative self-talk and step into a place of love, peace, and confidence:
Mindset Shift #1 – Rewire your brain by repeating the truth constantly.
You are believing the lie that your body is what makes you beautiful and it’s time to retrain this thought pattern. I know it sounds too overly simplified, but if you TRULY didn’t associate your beauty with your body then you would wear whatever the hell you felt like wearing whenever you felt like wearing it and wouldn’t give a crap what anyone else thought.
And because you’re believing this lie, you are beating yourself up for not being “good enough” to the high standards you’ve set in place for yourself. And the high standards that have been set in place by society at this current moment in history.
It’s important to note that the only real reason you feel the way you feel about your body is because of societal norms that are being pushed on you. For example, being thin has only been fashionable in Anglo-American culture for the last 60 years. For over 600 years before that, being heavier or even what we would consider “overweight” was more desirable because it meant that one was wealthy, well-fed, and didn’t have to work hard physically.
It breaks my heart that we treat women’s bodies like a fashion trend, constantly changing what’s “cool”, making our chase for beauty “forever elusive”.
Which is why we kinda have to learn how to say “F it” because we’re never going to win if we’re playing by society’s rules! One year thigh gap is in, then the next big booties & thick thighs are in. We’re just constantly supposed to defy our natural genetics so we can have whatever the fashion trend of the year is?? That’s BS if you ask me. I’m tired of my body being treated like a trend that exists to please society.
So if the lie is that your body is what makes you beautiful, then what is the truth?
The truth is that your mind, personality and spirit are where your true beauty lies. Say this affirmation out loud with me: “My mind, personality and spirit is where my true beauty lies. I am beautiful inside and out. I release the need to impress others with my looks. I am abundant. I am worthy of love no matter what I look like. I’m proud to take up space physically, mentally and emotionally.” This is torn directly out of Chapter 7 in my book, Flex Your Confidence Muscle.
Mindset Shift # 2 – Release your shamey expectations and trust your body to find balance
I have great news for you! If you implement mindset shift #1, then you’ll begin to release your need for your body to look a certain way. The sooner you release your tight grip on needing your body to look a certain way, the sooner your body can reach it’s healthiest equilibrium. That said, YOUR healthiest self might look different than someone else’s because we all have naturally different body shapes, and you get to embrace that.
The more we strangle outcomes, the less likely we are to attract them. The more we release outcomes, believing it’s all going to work out, the more likely we are to attract them.
Think about someone you know that’s super clingy. Maybe it’s a friend or family member of yours that doesn’t have any boundaries. What does that do to you? It repels you and makes you want to avoid them because their clinginess suffocates you. The same goes for you forcing your body to be a certain weight or size before you love it. Your body is rebelling against you because it feels suffocated by your need to change it.
So start by focusing on things you DO appreciate about yourself externally.
What you focus on you create more of. The more you appreciate your natural beauty, the more beautiful you will become. Fill in this sentence: “I’m beautiful exactly as I am. If I’m not comparing myself to anyone else, I can see that my ____ , _____, and ____ are beautiful.” Fill in the blanks with 3 things that you DO like about your external appearance.
Then, focus on things you appreciate about yourself internally. What are some strengths you bring to the table? I love the personality test called Strengthsfinder because it helps you see your own personal strengths very clearly. Write down a list of 3-5 things that you like and appreciate about your internal character. (This could be like “I’m loyal” or “I’m a great listener” or “I’m a curious question asker” or “I’m an intentional leader at work”). Appreciate your internal beauty on a daily basis because these are the qualities that determine your beauty far more than external qualities.
Mindset Shift # 3 – Create a vision for your life & visualize the woman you are becoming
A quick clarifying note: I’m not saying in Mindset Shift #2 that you can sit around and do absolutely nothing and the weight magically falls off, your body magically becomes more toned and healthy. No. Just like in the friendship example of a clingy friend, if you never ever reach out to your friends, your friendships will likely begin to fade. Instead, a healthy friendship comes from being a consistently loving friend, checking in and spending time together. The same goes for your friendship with yourself and your relationship with your body. It’s not all or nothing 🙂
Let’s take a step back from thinking about your body and instead visualize holistically what your most confident, best self is like. When you picture yourself one year from now.. How do you feel throughout your day? What do your days look like? How do you spend your time? What are your relationships like? Your health? Your career? Your finances? Your mindset?
Because your body is actually the least interesting thing about you, I’d rather hear about how you spend your time and how you envision yourself feeling each day.
Maybe you see yourself in 1 year waking up a little earlier, having a beautiful morning routine with candles & journaling to start your day. Maybe you see yourself going to pilates or doing 30 min home workouts every day and feeling rejuvenated afterwards. You see yourself speaking kindly to your body when you look in the mirror. You see yourself crushing it at work and speaking up in meetings and being given leadership titles + pay. You see yourself laughing with your significant other as you cook together in the kitchen. You see yourself as this confident woman that shows up boldly, peacefully, and strategically.
Write down 3-5 things you see (similar to the list I just provided but personalize it for yourself) and write down the 3-5 feelings that future you embodies daily. Then, take a few moments to visualize the future you. Walk through your habits in this visualization with your eyes closed. Feel those feelings you just wrote down.
If you take 30 seconds to visualize this every single day, you will trick your mind into believing that it’s already your reality, and you’ll begin taking action on BECOMING the woman you dream of being.
Okay queens. It’s time for me to wrap this blog on up because your girl had WAY more to say on this than I originally thought I did LOL.
So lastly, Here are a few small tactical steps that have really helped me with my body confidence:
- Instead of thinking I have to go to the gym for 60-90 mins every day, I fell in love with 20-30 min at home workouts 4-5x a week. Less is more.
- I threw out my scale, stopped weighing myself completely because it was sad how attached I was to that silly number.
- I also stopped wearing my apple watch, because I was also too attached to the number of calories I was burning every day. Life is way too short for that.
- I 10000% stopped calorie counting and deleted MyFitnessPal.
- I found when I eat more food (primarily healthy-ish food) that my body looks better. When I “forget to eat” aka starve myself, I gain weight. I was a personal trainer for 3 years and found that to be true of all my clients as well. Eating less calories often doesn’t work. Instead, let’s focus on nourishing our body at least 3x a day.
- Even if I’m not feeling my hottest when I look in the mirror, I look into my eyes and say out loud, “I love you. I really really love you.” I pretend I’m talking to the younger girl version of me. If it helps, hang a picture of the 7 year old you in the mirror to remember to give love when you look at yourself.
Xoxo, Janelle
P.S. I’m giving away a *free* workbook on how to build unapologetic, deep-rooted *confidence* in your life!
Want to grab it? (It’s free!)
You’ll learn:
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