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how to deal with haters & judgmental people

I feel like this is a topic I’ve wanted to touch on for a little while based on personal experience with it (I mean who hasn’t felt judged), but also DM’s I’ve received asking for advice on it. It could be anything from how to deal with people you work with judging you for getting breast implants (yes, you’d be surprised how many DM’s specifically I get on this when I talk about my implants lol), to strangers judging you for taking photos in public. At the end of the day, judgmental people will always exist, and ufortunately the happier and/or more successful you are it seems to get even worse. (Hint: miserable people hate to see other people happy and successful hence why they feel the need to put their problems/judgments on you).

It never feels good when you find out someone is making fun of you, making a judgment about you, or just straight up hating on you and looking for anything that they can pick apart. Even if we don’t respect, or know, the people who are doing it, it can still be tough because after all, we’re human! It’s human nature to want others to like you, or at least not want others to go out of their way to judge or be nasty to you. I say this because even though I have developed a pretty thick skin, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that judgement from others never bothers me. Like I said, we’re all human and it would be weird if you were literally never affected by others lol. However, there is a difference between letting it affect you for a moment vs. letting it affect you to the point that someone is able to dictate your entire mood and/or change how you live your life.

Here’s a little example. When I worked at the hospital I kept my blog/Instagram very separate. Aside from having a public profile, I never brought it up at the hospital unless someone asked, and I never posted or talked about anything regarding the hospital/me being an RN unless I was at home. Anyway, I started working less at the hospital because my blog was becoming (more) successful, and while some of my friends and women I worked with were super supportive and happy for me, some of the women I worked with would just constantly talk shit about me behind my back. Things like, “if she makes so much money blogging why does she even bother working here” (again, I never discussed my blog much less income with anyone), “what a shameful way to make a living” (still not sure what this even means LOL) etc. Anyway, I’m sure a lot was said considering at one point my manager asked me if I was “okay” but you get the picture. And now even though I have been gone for 10 months, I have been told they are still talking shit about me, what I post on my IG stories, etc. (Yikes, I didn’t know my life was that interesting! Lol).

Okay, so what is my point with all this. It’s really easy to let stuff like that get to you. But something that I always think of and remember when hearing someone is talking shit about me, I receive a nasty DM, or feel like someone is judging me…is that people who do that to others are so unhappy and miserable with their own lives, so insecure about themselves, or jealous that they literally can’t help themselves. Sadly, they have nothing better to do. I mean, when was the last time you made fun of someone for taking photos in public? When was the last time you judged a co-worker for getting plastic surgery, when was the last time you DM’d someone you follow on IG to tell them how annoying they were or how ugly their outfit was, when was the last time you talked shit about someone after not seeing them for 10 months?!…you get my point. So whenever this happens to me by a stranger or someone I know, I remind myself that happy and successful people don’t have time to bring others down. They are too focused on things that truly matter and that are going to bring them happiness and fulfilment. Honestly, the only time you should care about what someone says about you is if it’s someone you care about and respect. And even then, it doesn’t mean that their opinion is necessarily right. But those are really the only other opinions besides your own that you should even give any time to.

You not getting breast implants isn’t going to stop Karen from gossiping, I’m sure she will find something else to say about you or someone else. Me posting less on IG isn’t going to prevent a troll from messaging me. Me stopping blogging wasn’t going to stop those women from talking about me. None of it is going to change who these people are at their core. In fact, think of it as a compliment. Your life is clearly interesting enough that people just can’t help themselves spending their time talking about it. But really, you should never stop doing something that makes you happy or brings you joy at the fear of judgment from others. At the end the day, you’re not going to all the sudden find happiness because you’re living life according to what is “cool” or “acceptable” to a stranger, co-worker, or someone who you think is a “friend” (ie. the people who aren’t really your true friends). If I had stopped taking photos 5 years ago because I was worried about judgment from strangers, or if I would have stopped blogging because of co-workers or strangers on the internet opinions, I wouldn’t have the life and I do. And let me tell you, whether you’re supposed to say this or not, I am genuinely happy and proud of the life I’ve built for myself.

So, how to deal with judgment and haters? Rise above it. Know that people who have the time to (attempt) to bring you down are focusing on you because they have nothing better to focus on (which is a really sad way to live). As the quote goes, “To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” And I don’t know about you, but I refuse to be nothing 🙂

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2 Comments

  1. Michelle
    October 9, 2020 / 2:39 am

    What a timely post for me. Thank you! I’m a RN too and in the process of setting up my blog and have purposely kept this quiet from almost everyone for the same reasons. You gave me lots to think about. Thank you!

    • Claire Guentz
      Author
      October 9, 2020 / 4:01 pm

      of course!! And trust me, so many nurses I worked with were so supportive and interested in my blog! unfortunately there are just not very nice people out there regardless of whatever profession you’re in!

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