So this one was of the questions I got recently on “Ask Claire” – the question specifically was “Any tips for working on control issues? Ie. If you have a plan in your head and when it derails then you lash out & get anxious.”
I had responded with this which I’ll let you read first if you didn’t see it in “Ask Claire” but then I wanted to share about an experience recently where plans changed, my thoughts on it, how I approached it, etc.
Be flexible and know that things will go “wrong”. If you know that things are going to “go wrong” and you prepare for that, you’re much less likely to be thrown off. Whether you have a plan or not, sh*t always goes wrong! That’s just life. The more readily you accept that the easier things will be. As a side note, when something goes awry, don’t dwell on the problem. They say that leaders and people who solve problems efficiently, are able to solve 85% of problems in 15 min or less. Other people will take that time to dwell or complain about why the problem happened, whose fault it is, etc. instead of JUST FIXING IT. So when stuff comes up, address it, move on and know that’s part of the process.
Ps. Sometimes your plan not working out can be a good thing. I remember when I was applying for accelerated nursing school programs and the ones I got into were private and therefore very expensive. So I begrudgingly decided not to go and go to an in-state program that took twice as long but was much less expensive. If I would have chosen to do any of the accelerated programs, I would have never had my nursing externship at Duke because I wouldn’t have been off during the summer, therefore I would have then never met Stephen, I wouldn’t have had any extra time to start my blog/IG, etc. So sometimes things not going according to plan ends up working out 😉
So this will be news to any of my friends reading this lol, but for the last couple months Stephen and I were highly considering moving to Denver, CO. I’ve shared plenty before about how we love Raleigh (and still do)! We think it’s a great place to live, but in general we wouldn’t mind living in a larger city. Honestly, NYC would probably be at the top of our list but obviously that is one of the most expensive cities, so we were trying to find something a little more in between. So we loved that Denver was a bigger city, close to the mountains (we aren’t really beach people), low humidity, etc. For the last couple months we were pretty set on this – we had our realtor come out to our house to see what he would list it for, we had meetings set up with a Denver realtor, etc. We were honestly really excited about the prospect of moving and trying somewhere new! But long story short – we decided (literally yesterday) that it just wasn’t the right time. With inventory so low in most cities and with prices in the areas in Denver we would want to live – we just felt like even though we “could” do it, was it the best decision? Parry is our priority right now and we felt like a cross country move especially into a home that is more expensive (but still not even our “dream” home) just wasn’t the right choice.
At first it was a little disappointing because when you have been planning on something, it sucks to not have it come to fruition. But at the end to the day, it doesn’t do any good to sit there and dwell on it. Instead, try and focus on what the silver lining is. In this case, I focus on the beautiful home we have here and looking into updates we can do now that we’ve decided to stay which makes me more excited. I also know I’ll still just be a couple hours from my parents which is a bonus. Plus the fact that staying is probably the best thing for the business (Parry) which is our priority right now. I believe that if we are meant to move at some point in the future that the choice will be easy and clear; it won’t feel forced. And I think that is a good thought to hold onto if your plans get derailed or don’t work out. There may very well be a reason why things didn’t go according to plan. Maybe that wasn’t the right plan for you to begin with. So instead, focus on what the silver linings of the plan not working out are, and then reassess. Ask yourself, okay so what maybe is a better plan for right now? I really think accepting that the timing wasn’t right and that there is a “better” plan in store (even if we can’t see it yet) is the best way to approach it.